I Lost Myself in A City 24 Miles Away from Los Angeles

Nuk
3 min readMay 19, 2023

“In a perfect world, I’d kill to love you the loudest
But all I do is live to hurt you soundless

’Cause I have yet to learn
How not to be his
This city will surely burn
If we keep this as it is”

I watched a series a few days ago about the one and only Queen Charlotte and her — I called it — true love. Above anything that happened between them, I dare to say that George was so lucky to have Charlotte, and vice versa. They were so damn lucky because they had each other.

Again, here I am comparing myself, which seems like the winner of misfortune competitions — if any — with others.

I told my friends that the universe works in unexpected ways, and yes, it does. The thing is, the universe has yet to work my way.

Anaheim was pretty cold this afternoon, but the sun was still there, trying so hard to smile and help the universe to shine. However, as I said, the universe has yet to work my way. I met my old crush. God, my hands were trembling, and I looked like a marathoner that just finished a marathon in the unwatered desert in Phoenix; in other words, sweat poured from all over my body in less than a minute, crazy.

I tried so hard to leave, but my memories were too strong to be erased. I walked on that road. I recognized the road so much because we used to walk together, sit on the bench at the end of the road, laugh at everything that came out of our mouths, and … ah, too many memories, I guess. Oh wait, I also remember that he used to wait for me on that road with his Polo Ralph Laurent cap — of course, he used it backward.

Shit, I ignore the fact that he’s now standing still at the end of that road. But sadly, I don’t want to stop and keep walking to — at least — meet my old crush and see how fine he’s doing right now.

However, I forget the most important fact that on the other road, another man is now waiting for me to at least recognize his road.

“But I’d give anything to stop time and drive around
Anaheim at sundown
And teach my mind to put you first
Here you are, a hero
You wanna be my new home
But baby, let up
I won’t ever recognize these roads”

’Cause I am lost, but not in you; I am clearly lost in a man who came before you and left me with many shitty memories that I won’t ever want to erase. I lost in a man who won’t be my hero even though I want him to be the one. He won’t be my George and I will never be his Charlotte.

Ironic; Anaheim did that to me.

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